Betty Crocker vs The Knight
by PepsiColaGurl95
Summary: A tale of an ironic cool kid and an ironic nerd boy who decide to have a little bit of fun while a thunderstorm goes about outside. Betty Crocker comes along and kidnaps the beautiful shota boy named John. It is Dave's duty to save him. PepsiCola Hammertime


**I haven't posted anything in a while.**

**Plus no flaming if I didn't do something correctly. This was just something me and my girlfriend wrote together. **

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Thunder rumbled outside the Strider household as a large grey clouds rolled, pregnant of rain. The two boys inside the house, John Egbert and Dave Strider, had planned to go outside to swim in the pool which was filled with smuppets because of bro, however, now they had to play inside.

Ten year old Dave Strider walked into his room dragging a large box seeing ten year old John Egbert cowering under the blond boys red covers as a flash of lightning, along with a loud rumble of thunder echoed through the house.

"Daaaave!" John whined, wanting the blond male to comfort him in this 'scary' time. Dave dragged the box over to the bed followed by himself taking a seat beside the raven haired boy. "What are you hiding for?" the blond asked.

"Dave, you know I don't like thunderstorms!" the raven squeaked.

"Wanna play a game?"

"What kind of game?" John asked, curiosity in his voice.

Dave slid off the bed placing his hand on the clutch lock of the box. He unlatched it with a squeaking click, removed the cover, and examined all the costumes inside. "We're going to play an ironic game of dress up. You're going to be the innocent mayor, and I'll be Godzilla!" With that statement, Dave roared in John's face.

John's blue eyes watered and he shook his head in protest. "No! I don't want to play that game! Let's play something else!"

Dave stared at John thoughtfully with his red eyes which were concealed by his cool kid shades. "How about...I'm Prince David Strider-"

"David _Elizabeth_ Strider," John intervened.

Dave rolled his eyes. "Whatever...you're going to be _Princess _John Egbert. You have been kidnapped by Betty Crocker, who is forcing cookies down your throat!"

John clutched his throat with a gasp. "NO! I don't want to eat cookies!"

"It's called pretend, John. You don't have to _really _eat cookies."

"Oh," John said as a smile creeped upon his face. "I wanna play then."

John slid off the bed joining Dave on the floor. Together the two boys dug through the box finding several dresses, jewelry, heels, boots, and prince-like clothing. John slid on a blue dress with a red sash around his throat along with blue high heels whereas Dave wore a puffy white shirt, and his black pants and boots.

"What do we do now?" John asked staring at himself in the mirror.

"We need to put you in your dungeon so I can save you," Dave said.

So the two put together a pillow fort, calling it: DAVEY'S CASTLE

Then they put together a place for where John would be 'trapped' in the clutches of Betty Crocker. Oh this game would be fun!

John wailed sorrowfully; he was trapped in a tall tower with Betty Crocker holding up the spawn of satan, a cookie, to John's lips. "Eat it," she pressed. John shook his head. "No! No! I _will_ not eat it!" he yelled moving his head back and forth avoiding the cookie. Oh where was the knight? The knight that would save him from this evil woman who made those spawns of satan, baked goods.

Outside the tower, lava waves moved up and down, sometimes they would be low and calm but at random moments it would become as tall as a volcano as air bubbles escaped from the belly of the burning lava taking out sections of the wooden bridge. Why a wooden bridge? Who knows.

Dave , dressed in red knight attire, made his way to the wooden bridge with a sword in hand. He took a step onto the wooden bridge counting each time the lava waves projected into the obscure colored sky. He slowly made his way down the bridge until he reached the center where chunks were missing. He backed up a few feet as a huge wave of lava projected up to only fall back onto itself. Once it went back down the blond took a giant leap with his long legs and made it onto the wooden platform.

Right as he made it across the bridge he heard John shriek loudly as though he were dying. Inside, Betty Crocker forced a cookie into the boys mouth, but John spat in her face. "Ew!" John coughed up more of the cookie. It was vile...disgusting!

Betty Crocker glared at John. "How dare you not enjoy my baked goods!" She shoved another cookie into his mouth growling at him. "Eat it!" she snarled.

Dave stood below the fifteen foot tower then reached a hand up on one of the fissures he would try to climb up the tower. It took him several tries until he finally made it up to the window. Once he pulled himself in he found John lying on the ground with cookie dough coming out of his mouth which was parted open. "John!" he gasped joining him by his side he lifted John's head onto his lap. He quickly took out the cookie dough from his mouth asking, "John, can you hear me?"

John did not speak. All he did was groan lightly. "Dave…the cookies…."

"What about them?" he asked in a soft tone.

"They're...they're evil…" John breathed.

"I know," Dave replied, rubbing the raven's hair softly.

Betty Crocker came up behind Dave holding up a plate of brownies. "Come to eat with us, dearie?" Her dark eyes stared into the very soul of Dave and John.

"Sure," Dave agreed standing up.

John gasped in shock. _No! No, Dave!_ He could not believe it. Dave was going to eat a spawn of satan! Oh why?! WHY?!

Dave took one of the brownies from the plate, popping a piece in his mouth, and chewed it ever so slowly. It was delicious oh it was...so very delicious. He then took the pan from Betty, who smiled darkly at Dave. He leaned down shoving a brownie in his mouth then he shoved the tray in Betty's face. The brownies smashed against her face but...they began to form into her skin- sinking in. Holy shit.

Dave stared in shock. "How…?"

John was horrified! He knew Betty was evil! HE KNEW IT!

The two boys watched as the other baked goods in the room began to cling to Betty's skin, sinking in and blending in to her skin shade. "This is why you never age!" John shouted, pointing a finger. "You use your spawns of satan to make you look youthful!"

Betty cackled. "Why yes. Yes. This is why I look so radiant." She pressed her hands to her face, rubbing it. A small crumb fell off of her skin, which fell to the ground.

Dave cocked his head then he grabbed Betty's hand. "You should lay down...you look sick my dear." He patted Betty's hand ever so softly.

"Oh, it happens sometimes after I suck in the baked goods…" Betty swooned, leaning against the handsome Strider. Dave walked Betty over to the window, sitting her down on the bed. "Maybe you should take in some fresh air?" he suggested.

Betty nodded. "You're right. Golly, you're so smart!" She chimed as she leaned her head out to take in the sulfuric air.

Dave placed a hand on the woman's back. "Doesn't it smell wonderful?" she asked, taking in another deep breath.

"Oh yes," Dave said with irony in his voice. "Maybe you should get a closer look?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning to face him.

"Like so." Dave shoved her out the window

Betty fell out the window with a shriek as she fell into the lava beneath. The cookies broke away from her skin and melted into dough in the lava. She shook an angry fist up at the smirking knight.

"I'll get you Knight Strider!" She shouted in fury before she disappeared under the waves.

"Good riddance." Dave said.

"Daaaveeeee..." A groan came from behind him. Dave had almost forgotten the princess was in dire condition! He turned around and went over to him

Gently Dave lifted up the boy watching raw cookie dough fall out of the boy's mouth. Dave wiped it away from his lips with a small smile. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes...because you saved me," John smiled with twinkling blue eyes.

Dave smirked, pecking the boy's lips. "My hero~" John chimed.

With that, John and Dave came back to the kingdom riding on Maplehoof. They got married and had a happily, ironic, ever after.

The two looked at each other as the scenery changed- the two were both sitting on the arm of the couch, panting heavily from the game. "That was fun!" John giggled. "Let's play again!"

Dave looked out the window. "How about some other time?" The sun shined brightly, the storm had cleared away.


End file.
